Dear Red States

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty.. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred (until a child is born, then it doesn't much matter) unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

The E.L.I.T.E. Plan

Come on up! I have plenty of room.

recounts, lawsuits, appeals, oh my!

Ladies, I have a great, great fear I can't shake. It is that Nov 5 we will not know who our next president will be. That if Obama comes out ahead in electoral votes John McCain and his party will demand recounts, file lawsuits and appeals. The thought of this and its effect on the nation's morale and further declining economy will be devastating. But this is a reality that is not beyond imagining. I hope I am wrong.

Alaskans for Obama

Human Obama Logo in Anchorage - Video

29 10 2008

Here is the video from last Saturday’s event in downtown Anchorage! Hundreds of Obama supporters gathered in the freezing cold for over an hour to send this video postcard to their fellow Americans “outside.” Enjoy, and pass it on!

Misses Palin

oh, my. need another nail in the coffin?

Good stuff!

http://palinaspresident.us/

Can't figure a way to embed the image, so just click on the link. Trust me, it's awesome. And highly entertaining.

Genius!

The problem with Sarah Palin isn't that she's stupid (though she may play the part), it's that she's manipulative, controlling, conniving, and power hungry. Some might argue that's the makings of a great politician, but I would argue there should be room for dignity in politics.


From the
Denver Egoist
Attempting to help Denver suck less daily


Uhhhhhh....

We really don’t want to believe she’s as stupid as the Left is painting her, but man she makes it hard.

(For those not catching on: note the scarf)

Investment Advice

I received the following investment advice from a friend who moved from Alaska to Sydney several years ago. Pretty sound advice. A return on your investment AND saving the planet.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of AIG stock one year ago, it would now be worth $56.91.

With Washington Mutual, you would have $120.36 left of the original $1,000.00

With 'Fannie Mae' (FNM), you would have $11.34 left.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Lehman Bros one year ago it would now be almost worthless: less than $0.86.

If you had purchased RH Donelley, you would have $45.69 left.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminium recycling refund you would have around $125.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink excessively and then recycle.

Ugh...these people are making me batty!

John McCain compares Barack Obama's policies to socialism

By Bob Drogin and Mark Z. Barabak, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers
1:36 PM PDT, October 18, 2008


Concord, N.C. -- With the presidential campaign entering its final stretch, Republican nominee John McCain today accused Democratic rival Barack Obama of seeking to impose socialist-style economic policies on America. Halfway across the country, Obama drew what appeared to be the largest American crowd of the campaign, an estimated 100,000 people who covered hundreds of yards at a park in downtown St. Louis.

Here in the heart of conservative NASCAR country -- a longtime stronghold for the GOP -- and later in Woodbridge, Va., McCain drew far smaller crowds of several thousand. He used both events to hammer Obama's tax plans as an attempt to "redistribute the wealth" and "just another government give away."

In a national radio address earlier this morning, McCain declared that Obama's policies "sounded a lot like socialism" and amounted to a "phony tax cut."

"At least in Europe, the socialist leaders who so admire my opponent are upfront about their objectives," he said.

McCain's language was striking because Republicans have portrayed Democrats for decades as liberals who favor 1960s-style big government solutions to national challenges, such as poverty and health care.

Socialist theory is more radical, and arguably more sinister to American ears. It calls for collective ownership of most private enterprise and the creation of an egalitarian society. Karl Marx argued that socialism was a transitional phase between capitalism and communism.

Ironically, the Bush administration's emergency $700-billion bailout of major banks and other troubled financial institutions involves the kind of government ownership of private institutions that Socialists favor. Both McCain and Obama voted for the rescue package, which aims to shore up the credit markets and stabilize the economy.

Obama fired back at McCain while in Missouri, another battleground state that is leaning toward the Democrats. As he has in the past, he accused McCain of distorting his tax proposals.

"Under my plan, if you make less than $250,000 a year, which includes 98% of small business owners, you won't see your taxes increase one single dime," Obama said. "Not your payroll taxes, not your income taxes, not your capital gains taxes, nothing."

McCain wants to cut taxes for "folks making out like bandits, some literally," Obama said to a roar from the massive crowd at the foot of the Gateway Arch. "I want to cut taxes, cut the taxes of 95% of all workers."

Obama did not directly answer McCain's use of the term "socialism," but focused on a portion of the Republican's radio address in which he suggested Obama would "convert the IRS into a giant welfare agency, redistributing massive amounts of wealth at the direction of politicians in Washington."

"He must be the first politician in history to call a tax cut for working people 'welfare,' " the Illinois senator said. The only welfare proposal, Obama added, was McCain's plan "to give another $200 billion in tax cuts to the wealthiest companies in America."

The Democrat was referring to McCain's plan to make permanent the tax cuts enacted under President Bush. Obama would allow those cuts to expire, as Congress intended when it passed them. McCain argues that letting the cuts expire amounts to a tax hike.

McCain's rally in the Cabarrus Arena and Event Center, 20 miles from Charlotte, reflected mounting Republican worries in North Carolina. Obama has launched a full-on assault in the state, hoping that a huge turnout of newly registered voters and other supporters will swamp the state's conservative traditions.

Significantly, McCain did not mention Sen. Elizabeth Dole or any other statewide GOP candidate seeking office this year. Dole, caught in a reelection fight, did not attend the event.

Instead, McCain focused chiefly on Obama's exchange last weekend with Samuel J. Wurzelbacher -- now better known as Joe the Plumber -- a blue-collar voter in Holland, Ohio, who had told the Democrat that he hopes to buy his boss' business. "Your new tax plan is going to tax me more, isn't it?" Wurzelbacher asked.

Obama responded that the marginal tax rate would increase from 36% to 39% for businesses that earn more than $250,000, restoring rates used prior to the Bush administration.

"Right now, everybody's so pinched that business is bad for everybody, and I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody," Obama added.

McCain cited that "spread the wealth" exchange with Wurzelbacher during Wednesday's presidential debate and every day since to paint Obama as hostile to small business and working families.

Republican campaign aides hope the growing focus on Wurzelbacher will invigorate McCain's underdog effort, much as his surprise choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate provided a crucial jolt of support in early September.

McCain's campaign distributed hand-painted signs at the rally today, and supporters seated in the bleachers, in view of TV cameras, waved "Fight for Joe the Plumber," "I'm Joe the Plumber" and "Don't Take Joe the Plumber's $$$."